Who Should You Name as Guardian for Your Children? 3 Mistakes to Avoid

A guardian is the person legally authorized to raise your children if both parents pass away. The guardian will be responsible for providing a loving home, daily care, and financial support until your children become adults. Naming a legal guardian is primarily done through a will and is considered an essential part of the estate planning process.

Many people have family members who can step in and act as the guardian when you no longer can. However, that option is not always available depending on your specific family circumstances. Regardless of your situation, you should choose a person you trust can provide the best upbringing to your children when you are gone. Below are some common mistakes you should avoid when approaching this topic to ensure the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

Not Considering Parenting Styles and Values

Some parents feel pressure to choose the most financially stable person they know to act as your children’s guardian. While financial stability is an important consideration, it is only one factor in the calculation. Be sure to consider who would provide the type of emotional support and parenting you would ideally give to your own children.

It may come as a surprise to some, but even close family members may have very different approaches to parenting. Before nominating someone as guardian, make sure to understand the chosen person’s values and determine how they would handle certain important topics such as discipline. These factors often shape a child’s personal development and upbringing more than just money.

Not Asking the Person First

This sounds like a silly point to make, but it is better to ask someone explicitly before naming them as your children’s guardian. Ignoring this etiquette is more common than you might expect, and it can lead to problems along the way.

If you did not warn the person beforehand, the person will not have the opportunity to discuss this issue with you before you pass away. Even assuming you have a close relationship with this person, it is unreasonable to expect them to be aligned on every issue without asking. Additionally, the person in question may not even be willing to take on the responsibility of taking care of your children when the time comes. For example, they may not feel comfortable or capable having this responsibility thrust upon them due to their financial situation or their own personal circumstances.

A simple conversation can go a long way to clearing these doubts. It is better to simply ask and talk it out before nominating the person to be your children’s guardian.

Ignoring Practical Logistics: Location, Age, and Time

Soft factors such as parenting style and values matter when raising children, but so do hard logistics. There are countless data points you could look at, but we recommend focusing on a few main ones: location, age, and time.

Your potential guardian may live far away from where you live now. This means your children may need to uproot their lives and move to a brand new location. Your children would need to abandon existing friends and sources of support, change schools, and start over wherever the guardian is located. This sudden change may cause your children to feel isolated when they need emotional support the most. Not everyone can handle such a transition gracefully.

The guardian’s age is important to consider. For example, if you chose a grandparent to act as guardian to your children when you pass away, then it’s possible that the grandparent simply won’t have the energy to keep up with your children. Grandpa might not have the energy to send your children to soccer practice or school every day, and the relentless duties of parenting may just be harder on him now.

You should also consider your guardian’s time commitments. If the guardian’s career requires him to be away from home frequently or for extended periods of time, that can have a negative impact on the relationship with your children. Additionally, if your chosen guardian already has children or other commitments, then expect that the guardian may be unable to give your children the undivided attention or focus that they may need while growing up.

There is no perfect choice, and careful consideration must be given to choose an appropriate guardian for your children. The task is not easy, but choosing a guardian (and potentially a backup guardian) is one of the most important decisions you can make to ensure that your children are taken care of when you are gone. Take the time to think through the factors mentioned above and, when you are ready, put your decision in writing in a will.